2010-02-09 + 11:04 p.m.
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many things have happened. feel so stressed..

things have changed w fire.. i know tt i have a part to play.. can someone just teach me how to just speak my mind?! just feel hard to express.. trying hard to say wat's on my mind but e words coming out is just so wrong.. yeah, i do think tt a friendship gone like this is really wasted.. like all we've been thru, all e happiness n sorrows shared.. at times a wonder if money is tt impt?! taking e ez way out i did tink of just forgeting it.. but its just irritating coz it seems tt tings aren;t tt bad on ur side.. yeah, i just feel tt if i was impt to u, perhaps u wld have thought abt me before buying those tings.. if i was impt enough, u wld have took e initiative to return, w/o me having to ask.. i'm not sayin tt have to return all but at least a small sum every mth or so.. it seems tt everyone else is more impt to me.. perhaps im jealous.. i dunno man, i just feel like a hypocrite sometimes when i talk to u.. i just cant seem to tell u all this.. afraid tt i sound like some "irritating ex gf".. haha.. so i choose to stay away for awhile.. yeah, i know.. no one is indispensible in this world..

as for u, i just feel tt i'm too dependant on u till w/o u, i tink i might just rot n die away.. i feel tt i needa do things myself, i need to be more dependant before i start to lose myself.. aldy losing myself now, feel so damn bloddy useless.. i wish u can cut me some slack coz i know tt this is my own problem.. u have no idea how much i hate myself now, becomign the way i am.. i need to stand up.. i need u to let me stand on my own.. i need to be firm w myself.. i need to follow all my principles.. i need to stop detiorating..

lastly, u are not the worse.. i am the bad one.. n i know it.. i just want to be myself again.. i know i can.. just give me some time.. might just mia for awhile.. till then..

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